What Other People Notice Before You Do
Most men give themselves a quick glance in the mirror and assume they're ready to leave the house. Hair looks fine. Shirt looks fine. Nothing seems obviously wrong. The problem is that most of us aren't looking closely enough.
Other people don't see us the way we see ourselves. They notice details we overlook. Sometimes those details are small. Sometimes they're embarrassing. Occasionally they're the only thing someone remembers.
The Mirror Test takes a couple of minutes at most, but those few minutes can save you from making the wrong impression.
You Only Get One Chance
You only get one chance to make a first impression. People begin forming opinions about you before you've said a single word. They notice your grooming, your clothing, your posture, and whether you look like someone who pays attention to details. Fair or not, first impressions matter, and they often happen within seconds.
When you consistently present yourself well, people notice. They may never say it to your face, but conversations happen. "That's the guy who's always so put together." "I wish I looked that polished." You never know who is paying attention. One of those people could become a friend. One could become a business contact. One could even become your future partner thinking, "Wow, that guy always looks good. Why haven't I introduced myself yet?"
Many years ago, once at the grocery store, I had a hankering for a Red Delicious apple. So I trot my ass over to produce, locate the apples, and start looking. One looked promising until I noticed what might have been a worm hole. Back it went. Another had no visible defects, but it wasn't shiny. It looked dull. It had no appeal whatsoever.
Then I found one. Nice and shiny. No visible marks. Just the right size. In the cart it went. As I stood there holding that apple, a strange thought crossed my mind.
If I were an apple right now, would someone choose me?
I took stock of myself and didn't like the answer. My hair wasn't combed. My oversized T-shirt had a stain on it. My shorts were dirty. I was sweaty and looked like someone who had put absolutely no effort into his appearance. Nobody would have thrown me in the garbage, but I certainly wasn't the shiny apple people reached for first.
That moment stuck with me. From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to present myself differently. I wanted to be the shiny apple. Not because I was trying to impress strangers, but because I wanted to put my best foot forward wherever I went. You never know who you'll run into at the grocery store, the coffee shop, or standing in line somewhere. It could be an old friend, a future business contact, or someone who may eventually become much more than that.
On a few occasions I even ran into Julia Child because we happened to shop at the same Star Market in Cambridge. Had I gone out looking like I just rolled out of bed, that's the version of me she would have seen.
You always want to look your best. You never know who you'll run into and you never know what opportunities may present themselves. The Mirror Test isn't about vanity. It's about being ready when opportunity unexpectedly walks through the door.
Start With Your Face
Most men spend the majority of their grooming time worrying about their hair. They style it, comb it, spray it, and make sure every strand is in place. Then they take a quick glance in the mirror and head out the door.
The problem is that other people are not looking exclusively at your hair. They're looking at your entire face. They notice your eyes, your skin, your nose, your lips, and all the little details you may have completely overlooked.
Before leaving the house, get close to the mirror. Much closer than you normally would. Look carefully around your nostrils, the corners of your mouth, and around your eyes. Small things that go unnoticed from two feet away often become obvious when viewed up close.
A good haircut is important, but it doesn't matter much if someone becomes distracted by something else on your face within the first few seconds of meeting you. One tiny detail can completely change how people perceive you. That may sound harsh, but it's true. Nobody is admiring your haircut if they're staring at something hanging out of your nose.
The same applies to dry skin, sleep crust in the corners of your eyes, cracked lips, and a dozen other little things most men never think about. People may not consciously remember them, but they all contribute to the overall impression you're making. The goal is simple. You want people looking at you, not your mistakes.
Nose Hair Is Never Attractive
As men get older, nose hair becomes a maintenance issue. Nobody likes hearing that, but it's true. No man has ever become more attractive because a long nose hair was waving hello during a conversation.
Take a close look. Then look again. The mirror catches things that normal grooming routines often miss. Nose hair has a habit of appearing at exactly the wrong time and often goes unnoticed by the person who owns it.
Most people are far too polite to tell you that you have a nose hair sticking out. Instead, they'll simply notice it and move on. Unfortunately, that means you may walk around all day unaware that everyone else has already seen it.
I wasn't always perfectly groomed. We all learn by making mistakes and, for some reason I still don't understand, most of us seem determined to learn from our own mistakes instead of someone else's.
I unfondly remember the days when I would run a comb through my hair, splash on some cologne, and head out the door. Halfway to where I was going I'd start noticing things I should have taken care of before I left. A nose hair. A stain on my jeans. Fingernails that looked like they belonged to three different people. I was clean, but I was not put together.
Personal grooming is a process, one that gets refined over time. After years of fine-tuning and experimenting, I now have a routine that is quick, complete, and works for me. Before I shower, I turn my mirror to the magnifying side and take a good look. The face gets checked first. Then comes the shave. After the shower it's hair, moisturizer, teeth, nose, ears, and a final inspection before I ever think about getting dressed.
The goal isn't perfection. The goal is making sure that something simple and easily fixed doesn't become the first thing people notice about you.
Check Your Teeth
Most of us brush our teeth and assume we're finished. Unfortunately, your toothbrush doesn't know what you ate for lunch. Food has a remarkable ability to hide in places you don't notice.
A tiny piece of spinach, lettuce, pepper, or even a strand of meat can become lodged between your teeth without you feeling it at all. The problem is that while you may not notice it, everyone else usually does.
People often spend an entire conversation trying not to stare directly at whatever is trapped between someone else's teeth. They may be listening to what you're saying, but part of their brain is focused on that tiny distraction.
Before leaving the house, smile into the mirror. Then smile bigger. Check both the front and sides of your teeth. The few seconds this takes may save you from becoming the subject of an awkward conversation later.
My teeth are perfect now, but they weren't always. In fact, I wasn't genetically blessed in the dental department and there were periods in my life when my dental hygiene wasn't what it should have been. Depression isn't pretty. It affects everything, including how we care for ourselves.
Eventually I made the decision to fix the problem once and for all. It took six months and the cost was staggering, but I had my teeth replaced with implanted bridges. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Today I have a smile I'm proud of and a level of confidence I never thought possible. Looking back, it was one of the best investments I've ever made in myself.
A smile is one of the first things people notice. Taking care of yours is never a bad investment.
The Ear Hair Problem
Nobody talks about ear hair, but everybody notices it. The same goes for runaway eyebrow hairs and all the other places hair seems to appear as we get older.
Left unattended, these small grooming issues quickly become distractions. The frustrating part is that we often don't see them ourselves. Ear hair can be surprisingly difficult to spot in a normal mirror, which is why it pays to take a closer look every so often.
This isn't about looking younger. It's about looking cared for. There's a difference.
Yes, I have ear hair too. Age tends to bring along all sorts of little surprises, and ear hair is one of them. Fortunately, it's an easy problem to solve. I use a small electric trimmer that does an excellent job. It's inexpensive, easy to use, and when it eventually wears out, replacing it isn't going to require a second mortgage.
Even after trimming, I always do a visual check. I want to be absolutely certain everything is taken care of. Embarrassment is avoidable if you're willing to spend a couple of minutes looking in the mirror.
My barber also keeps my eyebrows under control. That's another detail many men ignore until one eyebrow hair decides to grow three inches longer than all the others and point toward a neighboring zip code. Regular maintenance matters. A haircut every couple of weeks, keeping your eyebrows neat, trimming ear hair, and taking care of the small details all contribute to a more polished appearance.
While we're on the subject of maintenance, don't neglect your feet. If sandal season rolls around and your feet look like they've spent six months trekking through the Himalayas, it's time for some attention. I get regular pedicures because I believe grooming extends from head to toe. Yes, I let someone touch my feet. They're trained professionals and they do an outstanding job. My feet are just as well groomed as the rest of me, and that's exactly how I want it.
Check Your Clothing
Now step back from the mirror. The face may be perfect. The shirt may not be.
Look for wrinkles, stains, lint, pet hair, missing buttons, deodorant marks, loose threads, and anything else that makes you look careless. Most clothing issues aren't major problems. The issue is that they create an impression that you don't pay attention to details.
A man can spend an hour getting ready only to have a stain on his shirt become the first thing people notice. It isn't fair, but it happens all the time.
Pay special attention to dark clothing. Deodorant marks seem to appear out of nowhere on black shirts and dark sweaters. Pet hair loves dark clothing as well. One quick look in the mirror before leaving the house can save you from carrying half the family cat around on your shoulder all day.
One thing I have learned is that garments sold as wrinkle-free still need attention from time to time. I used to hate ironing. To be honest, it still isn't one of my favorite activities, but it has to be done.
As your wardrobe evolves, you'll eventually start buying better shirts. Many of them have texture, structure, and fabrics that don't magically straighten themselves overnight. The good news is that pressing a shirt doesn't take long. With a decent iron I can usually have a shirt looking crisp in just a few minutes. That's a small investment of time for a huge improvement in appearance.
You shouldn't press your clothes to impress other people. You should press your clothes because you want to look your best. That's an important distinction. Looking polished starts with taking pride in your own appearance.
There are wrinkles you can't avoid. A seatbelt may wrinkle a shirt. Sitting may wrinkle the back of your pants. That's life. You do the best you can. The goal isn't perfection. The goal is avoiding the avoidable.
The Full-Length Mirror
Most men never take a step back and look at the entire package. Stand far enough away from the mirror to see yourself from head to toe. This is where fit, proportion, and overall presentation become obvious. A shirt that looked fine up close may not look nearly as good when viewed as part of the entire outfit.
Do your clothes fit properly? Is your belt centered? Are your socks appropriate? Are your shoes clean? Does everything work together? Sometimes the problem isn't a single detail. Sometimes it's the overall presentation. The full-length mirror helps you see what everyone else sees.
Most men think style is expensive. Sometimes it is. Most of the time it isn't.
One of the best style investments I've ever made wasn't a designer shirt or an expensive jacket. It was tailoring. I have actually bought jeans at Walmart and had them tailored.
The jeans cost around twenty dollars. Alterations cost another twenty-five. For roughly forty-five dollars total I ended up with jeans that fit me perfectly. Now compare that to a man wearing a several-hundred-dollar pair of designer jeans that are too long, too baggy, or simply don't fit his body correctly.
Which man looks better?
Most people don't know where your jeans came from. They notice how they fit. That's one of the biggest style secrets I can share with you.
If I buy a shirt that's slightly too long or a pair of pants that need adjustment, I have them altered. Most dry cleaners offer alteration services and many do excellent work. Start with one garment, see how they perform, and if you're happy with the results, bring them more business.
Presentation is everything. A man wearing inexpensive clothes that fit properly will almost always look better than a man wearing expensive clothes that don't. More importantly, he'll feel better too.
And confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess.
I can tell almost immediately when a man feels good about himself. He stands differently. He walks differently. He engages differently. Confidence isn't something you put on like a jacket. It comes from knowing you've done the work. You've taken care of yourself. You've paid attention to the details. You've put your best foot forward.
That confidence is attractive. Not arrogance. Not ego. Confidence. The quiet confidence that comes from knowing you've taken care of yourself and paid attention to the details.
What Will People Remember?
I am an observer. I pay attention to people. Their grooming. Their clothing. Their posture. Their confidence. The way they carry themselves. Most people do this, whether they realize it or not.
When someone walks into a room, impressions form almost immediately. Sometimes it's because they have a great smile. Sometimes it's because they're exceptionally well dressed. Sometimes it's because they appear confident and comfortable in their own skin.
I've always been drawn to confident people. Not arrogant people. Not loud people. Confident people. They tend to be more interesting, more engaging, and more comfortable with who they are.
Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. People notice wrinkles. They notice stains. They notice poor fit. They notice food in teeth, nose hair, body odor, and a hundred other little distractions that pull attention away from the person standing in front of them.
Most people won't tell you what they noticed. They'll simply remember it. I know that's true because I do the same thing. We all do. Human beings are constantly gathering information about the people around them. We form opinions, impressions, and assumptions long before we realize we're doing it.
The goal of The Mirror Test is not perfection. The goal is removing distractions. You want people paying attention to your personality, your confidence, your character, your intelligence, your sense of humor, and the things that truly matter.
You don't want them focused on something that could have been fixed in thirty seconds with a mirror. You worked too hard becoming the man you are to be remembered for a wrinkle, a stain, a booger, or a nose hair.
Final Thoughts
The Mirror Test takes a couple of minutes at most, yet most men don't do it. That's one reason the men who do stand out.
Get close to the mirror, then step back and look at yourself the way other people will. You might be surprised by what you find.
A couple of minutes before leaving the house can prevent a lot of unnecessary embarrassment and help ensure that the image you're presenting is the image you intended to present.
You only get one chance to make a first impression.
Make it count.